An empty stomach with an overflowing heart

I like this song for many reasons my heart cannot sum up in words. Plus, I have found a new singer whom I intend to follow in time to come. Honestly, I don't feel like listening to any other music these days. It's like suddenly I have no liking for the songs and singers whom I liked before. I'm on an all out nasheed downloading spree!!

I went to the uni mosque for Friday prayers, the one place that I love the most. I can remember the times my friends and I used to nap over there. It all happened when we first arrived in Malaysia long time ago, and it was a new thing for us. Back in the motherland no one is allowed to sleep in mosques- never. Listening to the sermon made me realise how stale things have become. A fiery sermon is what I want; one full of examples, practical approach, recollection etc. Instead of that, I see the Imam reading from a text, which he couldn't do properly either. Flow of the speech was very monotonous, it hardly had any high points. So, what's the point in delivering one, and that too in a place like the 'garden?' Another thing is sermons in Arabic, which only a certain portion of the congregation understand. Then your only choice is to wait until the Imam calls for prayer.

Fasting has made Muslims lazy as I found out today when in my faculty general office. I had to get some copies certified along with those of two other friends. When I asked the secretary to certify it for me she inquired the number of copies. I answered as 9 copies. She then told me to get it signed from any lecturer I know because apparently they certify things only on Wednesdays. What would happen to those who can't make it on a Wednesday?? Boo-hooo, tough luck chum. I ask you, how hard can it be to stamp 9 copies? Answer- hardly takes more than 10 min. I gave the copies to the office because all the lecturers I knew were out, then I had to pick them up at 2pm. The Muslim world is surely not going to prosper with such a work ethic. Ironically, the 'garden' is fostering an idealism that is contrary to the practice.

While waiting for the bus in Idaman this week I saw a vendor selling kuih. It was the kuih that is green on top and has rice at the bottom. To me, it tastes like a rice dish back home sans the green topping, and I have no clue what its called. Having said that, the kuih drew my attention many times because I kept on glancing at it from time to time. I wanted to buy some for ifthar. Then I purposefully thought of not buying it since I want to feel the despair in not enjoying something I like. I thought of people who don't have the means to buy food they like, but see it in front of them. How crushed would they feel? Not to mention the anguish of a person who is already in hunger. Many people have got the wrong idea about fasting, I think. Would u believe me if I tell you that people consume more in this month, than any other month of the year?? Believe it!!

I have made a solemn pledge regarding this holy month. That is to derive all of its goodness and comprehend what it's trying to teach or impart on man. My journey is to feel the suffering, the pain, the anguish which is not felt on any other day or month. Be closer to God as much as possible because I too have strayed knowingly and unknowingly. To cleanse, purify and reform my mind, body, heart and soul.

Insha Allah.........I hope God will show me the way.

10-3B

This weekend turned out to be very eventful for a lot of reasons. Firstly, my friends and I were gearing up to move into an apartment after 4 years of uni life. There was a pinch of liberation sprinkled into the air because from now on no more campus rules. The apartment, actually it's an office place we are going to convert into a house is quite alright. Honestly, we have water, sanitation, a roof and all other essential components needed to reside like human beings. Having said that, I know there are millions who don't even have what we do right now. Praise the Lord for His benevolence upon us.

On Sunday, the three of us (who have been roomies for the past 4 years) took on a challenge of immense proportion. Giving a thorough clean to the new place took every ounce of energy. At that time we realised that the floor is slanted after pouring water to clean it. God, why are people so careless and cheap?? It took a few hours to sweep the entire place, cleaning the floors along with the bathroom, not to mention mopping, and finally doing other small things like the windows etc. Our attempts to find a lorry turned futile it being the weekend and next day Merdeka. Still we kept on trying nonetheless. Finally, Monday night we managed to borrow a friends van and had to do a few trips to and fro, not to mention dodging the police check points en route. Seriously, none of us had a license!!

Do you want to know my opinion about moving? I absolutely without a nanosecond of thought hate it!! Like they say in the movies "I'm too old for this shit." Carrying all the accumulated belongings of three people for the past four years took a significant toll on everyone's muscles, back and other body parts; all of it were carried four stories. If you happen to say "ouch" after this, you have no idea about the strain caused. Furniture is non-existent, but the broker did fix a ceiling fan at no extra fee. God bless that Chinese man, and who said they're all about the money?!? Our one and only house asset for the time being. After doing the agreement I would be almost broke, and will be contemplating whether to request for zakat. LOL!!!

If shifting house leaves your finances so low, I can only imagine getting married. This is not to scare or discourage all those people thinking of marriage. Just so all of you know, I'm pro-marriage and think its a lovely thing. I plan on filling my coffers to the brim before getting hitched. Now, please don't scrutinize me.

Everything was done close to midnight, thus all of us (six people, three others who came to lend a hand) took a breather. The three boys had to stay over at our place because going back to uni would only land them with a compound note courtesy of incompetent uni security. We stayed up talking and laying down on our new mattresses, which we found out are of very poor quality. If you raise an eyebrow at this one I got two words for ya- budget constraints. At 3am all of us decided to walk to Idaman to eat, then comeback to pray and sleep. With all the minor aches received a few hours prior we managed to go and comeback in one piece.

The place needs a lot of work, but for now I'm happy that we have some place to stay.

I came across a news item of Muslims protesting against the construction of a kovil. A protest is alright in my book, but what annoyed me is when protesters were parading a cow's head; that to me is really not cool and going over the line. What happened to Muslims being tolerant and peaceful?? I say put all the inconsiderate buggers who did it behind bars. I have a minority mindset when it comes to such issues since my motherland is a Buddhist majority country.

Independence............really!?!

If I ask, if you are really independent, what answer would you give me?? A resounding "yes" or a half-hearted "I think so?" I've been pondering this idea for a long time; since the time I came to Malaysia. To me, independence is a state of mind and not something a person can grasp physically or in any other manner. Many people start talking about independence close to celebrating a country's independence from foreign rule. As a former British colony I'm very much aware of the propaganda. Even after gaining independence, are you in the sense of the word, independent?? If I had to answer the question, the answer would be "no."

Look at it this way, we are all dependent on someone for something. Ultimately, all religious and pious people of all faiths depend on God. So, independence is like a myth; it sounds really breathtaking, but it's not real. The world now is far interdependent on countries than it ever was during the colonial era. It's very evident from analysing the global financial crisis that almost crashed economies (not to mention giving me a sour deal as a graduate). I want to be independent as in be free from all that is superficial: materialism, consumerism (telling people to buy all sorts of products to that will make you feel good), extremist dogma, stereotyping etc. I'm disgusted and fed up with all these nonsense.

The holy month is going well with all the activities that is to be done in this month taking precedence over others. But for the life of me I can't understand why some people are so hypocritical even in the holiest of months. I was seated in the economics canteen last night and noticed a banner with the words 'This is a dating free zone', after that it was 'Allah is watching you.' What made me laugh was a couple surfing right in front of the banner. I'm not blaming the couple because dating has been going on for ages, and it's not like the authorities are worried about it. It irked me more because people who made the banner were also student of university registered club. A perfect situation of blind leading the blind!!

I will say this though, those contributing negatively (apparently some refer to it as the 'garden of hypocrisy and fallacy') towards the 'garden' have no right in referring to it in such a way. Wouldn't it be funny to you if Hitler had stated somewhere denying responsibility for killing the Jews?? Or like Bush saying the prisoners in Guantanamo were well looked after?!?

Tsk....tsk.....only God knows best.

Tick-tock......tick-tock

Last week things took a huge turn, first for the better, then almost for the worse. After going to work for 2 days I came under a heavy headache that later morphed into fever by the next morning. H1N1 being very rampant, I called in sick and went to clinic. While on my way I began to wonder if they would treat someone who is no longer a student (I had done clearance already!!)?? My body started to ache and everything felt abnormally heavy, even my footsteps!! After an examination by the doctor, not to mention medical leave for 5 days, I was ordered to rest and keep away from people. Only last Friday did I realise that I'm going to be a painful recipient of a tooth at the end of my left jaw. Wisdom has not been this painful, I swear. A pat on the back goes to Miss. Psychic for sending me the symptoms of H1N1 at a time when I was fearing the worst. I can only eat from my right side, even then I can't move my jaw as before. Poor me :(

As far as my job goes, there is not much of action going on in the office. Who am I kidding because it only has about 7 people. My first assignment was to draft a Ramadhan appeal brochure in English, which will be distributed for collecting funds. Plan is to disburse all these funds to needy Muslims around the world. I came across a few old photo albums that spoke a lot in terms of images. Bosnia, Afghanistan, Cambodia and a lot of countries were filled inside my brain; people, faces, places seemed to leap out from the album pages. I can't imagine how it must have been to provide relief when on one side there is danger to ones life. I'm very content for the time being as to what I do because there is clarity and comprehension of tasks.

Since the past 2 months I have developed a hate mixed with disgust towards the university hostel administration. Requesting for an extension of stay was entertained in such a way that they wanted my friends and I shift to another location far away and share a cubicle too!! I mean its just utter bullshit. We declined the idea and in the process got a 'transit' room, the condition is nothing short of deplorable. We would have happily paid for our old room, but these idiots said it's not possible. Why is it that I have to deal with so much shit and dumbass people?? I have more to write about my garden of higher learning in due time that will shock many people. Thus, my mates are very actively hunting for a place to rent. Most likely, it seems that moving to a new place would occur during the fasting month whether we like it or not.

Steady steps.....

As I complete month of working life (working full-time in the guise of part-time), working is nescafe has become a thing of the past. This week onwards I've started working for a NGO focusing on micro-credit and educational programmes. Most of its operations are in foreign countries, but the important thing is that I got a decent job. When I was working in nescafe I was under-employed, while at present I'm under-paid. I don't to make it a big issue because I hope things would get better soon. One thing I've realised is that not all people get that dream job they've been wishing for. Rather, people make due with what they have, or hope for better days to come.

I have satisfaction in my job, even though I'm under-paid, and that is being able to help people in need. The NGO I work for is operating a micro-credit scheme in Acheh for some years, and they also plan to open an office in Egypt to help the people of Palestine. Apart from all this, the NGO would help Muslims anywhere in the world in times of strife and hardship.

There are some nescafe moments I would like to share:

The are-you-kidding-me moment:
An international girl walks up to the counter; she was surveying what we have to offer, and mind you it was not her first time either. While I let her do that, I went to take the order of another person. Then I came back to take her order.

Girl- ummm.....do you guys like have latte’s and stuff over here?? (spoken with a really fake accent)
I- well, not really. You see...... this not starbucks!!! Why not try and go there? (yes sir, I dropped it like its hot)

Taking egoistic shit was not part of my job description.

The LOL moment:
Two guys walked up to the fridge, at that moment I was operating the coffee machine on the other corner. After I was done, I went to the counter in order to total up what these two had bought. One of them had taken a Coke can, while his friend placed a cucumber next to it. Yes, a freakin’ CUCUMBER!!! This chap wanted to buy a cucumber that we use in our sandwiches, which we keep in a separate fridge.

For a moment, I could hardly contain my laughter and tried desperately not to laugh in his face. This has been the best moment so far on the job. I tried my level best to make him understand that the cucumbers were not for sale. Few minutes later, he pointed to an old label on the cucumber shelf that had RM. 1.70 on it. That guy must be real stupid to buy a cucumber for that price. He was a bit persistent if you ask me because even after that he didn’t give up; he tried to sweet talk me into selling the damn cucumber.

The heartbreak moment:

An Indian friend of mine came to nescafe and before I could take his order blurted out "dude.... what the hell are you doing here?!!? I heard you're really good and even have a department ranking!!"

At that moment I felt my heart being squeezed like it was going to stop beating. That really made me go "ouch" inside and I kept on hearing his words over and over again.

The Ms. X moment:

Look who dropped by nescafe one early morning with some her friends. She asked what I was doing in the shop, a very obvious question which I pointed out later (why do people ask that question anyway??). I told her that working in nescafe is only until and find something better to which she said "a proper job." Talk about rubbing it in folks...... and I wondered where all the sympathy went to?!!?