When its too late to make things right...

Its been awhile since I saw this screen, but I thought I should post something since I have some free time. Working 5 days a week and going for classes in the weekends are really sapping all of my energy, and not to mention time. I hardly do anything else than go to classes. Note to self- don't enroll for 4 subjects next time because it will really screw you. I don't mean that in a bad or detrimental way; its just that time management goes out the window. I honestly don't even have time for myself let alone others!! I underestimated about assignments for CIM, and it seems much harder. But I suppose that will make you work even harder to meet those standards and in the process have better exposure.

Things at home are quite not what I want it to be. Dad is losing control of my brother who although going to be 22 this year hardly acts his age. To make things worse mum does all the work and excuses him from almost all chores- some which I did at a very young age. Responsibility is something very lacking in him, and God knows how he will fix it. Whenever I ask him about something related to the house all he says is "I don't know". So, there is no point in asking him about anything!! On the other side, he's religious and can focus on anything if he wants to, but lacks practicality. I blame both my parents for how he has been brought up. Period.

Have you know a person studying for an exam not knowing when the exam will be held?!? Your guess is as good as mine..

I think when your the elder son parents seem to put more effort into training you in things they think are important. I remember running errands for mum since the time I was about 6 years old; that's because I was the other guy after dad. I didn't complain about it (maybe sometimes when I realised my brother was doing nothing) too much and instead did what I was told. In retrospect I liked being given responsibility because for some reason it made me feel good. I don't know if its in my genetics or not, but its a part of me. When it comes to the second son I think parents take it a bit easy. This is very relative depending on each family.

As a result of this some important things are still done by my parents and myself. I've tried to explain to him so many times but it has failed. He suddenly turns aggressive and verbally lashes out at people. He can't take criticism properly and always has something to say as an excuse; even recalling trivial incidents of the past which are quite insignificant to support his arguments. Obviously, it causes a lot of stress to both mum and dad because assurance of completing a task assigned to my brother is hardly ever guaranteed. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but at least I get the job done.

Halfway through school he changed tremendously and even changed his set of friends. Now, he is left with only a handful of people. There is this tendency where he can't tolerate people and their different behaviours. As a consequence, he would not associate such people even those who have been his school friends for a long time. People have said my brother and I are worlds apart. I admit, its very true. It has come to an extent where people known to both of us have asked me "what's wrong with your bro?" People in this list include mutual friends, uncles, aunties and other acquaintances.

To be very frank we don't even have a relationship that other siblings have with each other. Most of the time we end up fighting over some useless issue and get worked up over nothing. At times I'm a little envious of people who have good relationships with their brothers and sisters. Hey, I'm human after all ok!! To be really honest... we hardly ever talk to each other though living under the same roof. Sad as it may sound its the truth and I can't ignore it.

I've tried to reach out to him so many times and have failed in each attempt. Now, I don't want to try anymore. If it was a machine things would have ended much better, but how will it turn out for my brother?!?

Collage Thoughts

There I was on a Friday evening after work with some colleagues around a table having a few drinks (in my case it was non-alcoholic). Work is starting to grow on me and the team is opening up to me gradually. I like this bunch of people, who are very informal even in formal settings. I might have to rethink my office policy on keeping things plainly official; because most things in life are shades of grey. The best in all of this is the bonding you get with your team, and its a good thing mine is quite small. My team is a total of 13 people (nothing unlucky about it) out of which 7 were accounted for around the table, which constitutes a majority.

I heard stories about how things were done about 5 years earlier, the hardships they went through, what's going wrong at office now, and so much more. But I must say this, though on the outside these chaps may not look suave, posh or even classy, they all have good hearts and intentions. It was evident from the way they spoke. I feel like I've found a team who will stick it out through thick and thin- come what may!! And I in turn plan not to disappoint and live up to expectations.

It seems that all of my friends are getting hitched one after the other like a chain of dominoes. Just a few weeks back I spoke to a friend who returned from abroad in order to start back home. During the conversation I joked about how he should get married soon; lo and behold he's getting engaged this Sunday. A string of others are planning to follow suit very soon. When I heard the news I was very happy for the chap who said "I was not expecting to get married either, but everything seemed to fit". I wonder how you arrive at the correct "fit"?

Its funny because first thing I told him after hearing the engagement was- "you bastard!!" It was slightly rhetorical and mostly a great deal of astonishment and slight shock. I mean, it was like a bolt of lightening- good think it doesn't strike the same place twice!! Finding someone is definitely a blessing, and for those who have I say "well done". Not to sound pessimistic, but this thought always comes to my mind- 'would I find that person who's the correct fit'? To start with, I don't even want to even start thinking about this because it has too many variables. At the moment, its best that I focus solely on my career, but even that's easier said than done.

Going down memory lane, my last highly emotional moment occurred at KL Sentral before coming home for good. I still remember that day to a great deal. Its like I wished to stall time much as I pleased, and like that was so realistic. By the end of it, I rushed to the washroom to wash my face because it was not going to act according to my rational thought process. Plus, I didn't want people to see me with near teary eyes, which looks weird on any man. Since that day I have grown slightly wiser in my approach; promising that I would never allow myself to end up in a situation such as this ever again.

I'm mature enough to understand that behind every action or occurrence there lies a fundamental reason or rationale. Its just that at times everything is so blurred that you can hardly see anything clearly.

I have so much to write, and why on earth is the time flying so fast!!

To my friend Z- I wish you a happy and beautiful married life, and may Allah bless you!!

To better beginnings..

I started the new year on a very dull, yet significant note. I enrolled myself to do CIM as a professional qualification for the sake of career development. I thought it was about time I started doing it since these qualifications matter. Being exempted from the first stage was quite heartening, not to mention having a small cloud of insecurity hanging above my head. That insecurity came about from the unknown of what will come my way. Professional exams are not like academic degrees where you can just write anything and expect to get marks for it; if that is so, then no point doing it either. I realised from my first class itself that things were different- so it should be!!

I like going back to that studying mode, but this time with a challenge of balancing my work life as well. I'm taking all the subjects in stage 2 since I don't want to drag it too long. I'm determined to make it to managerial level within the next 3 years. I find my work interesting since its a completely different industry I'm in; one which I never thought I'll enter. The aspect of marketing applies in a whole different way here. I should also say that my employer is a sought after company having a superb image among the public. I gel quite well with my team members as well.

I should make it a point to blog more often since there are so many things I want to put into words. But time is not always available in my case. On a more startling note, I had apparently said something about Ms. X to cause some ripples even though I was not in Malaysia. Talk about a shocker! I had to do damage control and fast since my reputation was at stake. It's a good thing that I had very trustworthy friends in Malaysia to depend on from miles away. Plus, I cared what she thought of me as a person. I wouldn't have known any of it if I hadn't chatted with Ms. Psychic on fb after donkey's years. I wonder how all my girls are doing in Malaysia?!?

Hey girls, if you're reading this do holler back, ok :D tc

To start anew...

Thank God 2010 is over since it was beyond doubt my worst year- ever!! So, here's looking forward to better things this year. Although, I'm 10 days late in making a virtual new years' wish, like they say "better late than never".

And I have a lot of things to say about the past 9 days. Well, lets start fresh tomorrow.

Parental Paranoia

There are some things that just have the ability to shake you up to the core, and one such incident happened to me on Wednesday. That evening after coming home from work my parents said they wanted to talk to me. So, as usual I thought it had something to do with a house matter and casually sat down to talk. Then, dad asked me straight "Do you want to get married?", to which I was speechless for some seconds after which I replied "No".

Apparently, this reaction had taken effect due to a picture of me being printed in a magazine of a Sunday newspaper. In that picture a girl whom I knew had her arm on my shoulder. Just to clarify her arm was on my shoulder and not around it. This occurred a few months back, but looks like its vibrations have only reached me now. In my defense, there was nothing much I could do about the whole thing because it all happened within a matter of seconds. I was invited to an event by her and there she met a friend -working for the Sunday newspaper- who took the picture. It has in some way caused a multiplier effect which is not making me feel at ease.

The situation is getting quite intense over here. Also, I have no intention in staying quiet. It happens that I'm vulnerable to people who want to ensnare me into "compromising situations"- the name given to my newspaper fiasco. I told them in plain English that I couldn't help how others were in their ways, and as far as things go I'm only concerned of myself. I mean, I cant stop people from all the wrong things their doing now, can I? It so happens that mum wants to be careful of "scheming" women, and only God knows what that means.

I can't imagine how women can discriminate and be biased towards other women?!? Its something I'll never figure out.

One thing is clear, that being my mum is not in touch with reality. She said morality should be the same whatever the time period people live in. Although, I would like to agree on that idea its not the reality. Morality is such a skewed idea in this modern day that many people don't know right from wrong. My belief is that she thinks that my character is weak therefore, I might do something stupid or immature. I can't tell her things like I turned down a one-night stand a few years back, or that I'm very cautious most of the time. That would just escalate matters even further!!

**************

Yesterday, I went to a gathering of Malays in the outskirts of Colombo. I was invited... well, lets just say you have to buy a ticket. While staying in queue for the food I saw this girl who reminded me of the girls in my uni; her attire was such that I made a very fast association. Plus, I was inquisitive to know who it was. Then, lo and behold, after sometime I see her dancing with her friends with many gyrating moves. Being dumbstruck in such a situation is a definite understatement. A girl in a scarf dancing in public is just ironic at any level (this is not being sexist!!), but to add to it her family was watching from a distance.

All I could think was how could her family members approve such a behaviour? A scarf in her sense unfortunately didn't have the desired impact as it should have. It was only a piece of garment worn without knowing its deeper meaning to which I feel sorry for her, and more so her family members. She even did a solo performance on request by the compere which drew many eyes because this time the dance floor was brightly lit compared to before. I'm not saying that I'm better as a Muslim, its just that it was shocking to many people who were there as well.

At times like these, I think a woman without a scarf with better decorum would win in comparison as against this girl wearing the scarf.

End of story...