Where do I go from here??

It's a situation that has boomeranged on me numerous times. This situation, a feeling of utter disappointment and despair sticks to me like a leech. I had hopes of turning things around when I arrived back home. Despite these hopes and almost close to a year it is evident that I'm incapable of securing a job.

I wonder if I was too hopeful and overly optimistic in thinking once I land at home things would be ok. To be very honest things have not gone well at all. In some aspects I'm making progress like in terms of the youth group; that alone is not good enough. In short, my career has hardly taken flight, and how much more ominous can things get?

I've switched modes and moods completely since last week. This job hunting exercise with its diplomacy, contacts and applications are wearing me down. To be honest I HATE IT!! I'm quite the veteran in maintaining moods and composure, but since lately I thought- screw it. Why hide it? If I want to be down in the dumps let it be so; at times masking emotions is not worth the effort. I'm fed up of the question "so....tell me about yourself" together with all the related questions that go with it. I've talked so much about myself that I find myself boring!! I mean wouldn't you? For a very outward and talkative chap that's nothing beyond depressing. I can hardly work up the stamina or the enthusiasm like before.

I have not shaved in close to 3 weeks because I don't feel like doing so. Neither am I keen on doing any other of my routine activities like going to the gym, blogging etc. For once I don't want to feel like I'm in control of the situation, then again, was I ever. I look like some street bum when I leave home with the only exception of having better clothes and shoes on me. I have intention of shaving anytime soon either.

There's an alumni function next week in which I'm part of the organising committee and I'm debating whether I should shave?!? Should I give a dignified appearance or go 'au naturel' saying to hell with it all. The latter idea sounds appealing, and sort of rebellious. I went for the progress meeting yesterday with a full-grown beard looking like a family man (my baldness adds to the effect too).

To say this is a test of my patience would be right, but can anyone hold on to it for so long? I fear I'm ending the end of my rope. Obviously, there's a sense of fear and insecurity of how it will affect me, and how well I can react to it. As I write this, even my thought process is going wonky not allowing me to get my ideas right.

I'm stopping here....I just can't do it anymore. So much for blogging eh?

Licker’s Republic

“Licker’s never change only Asses do”

– Sir John Kotelawala

Referring to our lovely island as a ‘Banana Republic’ should be done away with immediately because it has even gone beyond such a standard. To have realized that standards deteriorate quite fast is understandable given how events were unfolding, but I never expected it to go down a precipice. Administrators of this country have all shed their integrity, honour and shame for myopic gains, which I’m sure, will come to haunt them in this life time itself. Thus, I proclaim our land to be swarming with Licker’s: people who blindly support those in power in order to procure favours for themselves and their families, with little regard for what is just, and shamelessly justify their actions.

In all of this, who suffers the most? The ordinary man.

A murky past

Since the post-independence era most politicians have hijacked the sentiments and emotions of the people using it to further their own agenda. As a child of a politician, let’s get one thing clear- I HATE POLITICS. Gone are the days when politicians came forward with honest conviction to serve the state, alleviate people from the travesties of a bitter and harsh life; in a nutshell, to make a country a better place for all its citizens. Even though, I was not born then, the election campaign of S.W.R.D. Bandaranaike was a very cheap and communal minded one. I accept that Sinhala should be the national language, but I differ in terms of his methodology to execute it. I see it as a quick way to soften the hearts of the majority and get their votes. This incident, although small in nature caused a ripple effect in Sri Lanka, which lead to a communal uprising that lasted close to 30 years. I don’t blame the Tamils for being agitated, because suddenly they had to change everything in the blink of an eye, and that’s just not done. I admit Tamils had a right to make their voice heard, fight against the injustice caused; it however, will not justify them taking up arms and killing innocent people.

I wonder why S.W.R.D was killed by someone of his own race, and that too, a monk? S.W.R.D was a perfect opportunist. Born a Christian most of his life he converted to Buddhism because if not, who would vote for him to be PM? Let’s not kid ourselves since politics is far from egalitarian. Who you are, where you’re from, who you worship- it all matters!! I’ll tell you bluntly now that no Hindu, Muslim or Christian (even if he’s Sinhalese) will ever secure the top spot in this country; not even be Prime Minister as a consolation. The closest man to be offered (as far as I know) was the late M.H.M. Ashroff after the People’s Alliance (PA) lost the general election in 2000. If the SLMC had accepted, the PA could have formed a coalition government, instead Ashroff sided with the UNP; few months later his helicopter crashes into the mountain- you do the math.

How do I know such info? At that time, my father was one of the second-tier leaders of the SLMC; dubbed the ‘third force’ behind PA and UNP without whom a government couldn’t be formed by any single party.

On the trail

I have first-hand experience as to how campaigns are set in motion. I know areas within the Colombo District that are favourable towards each political party. I have been at election rallies and meetings organized to drum up support for candidates. At elections there is no language that exudes clarity like that of money. During the 90’s a candidate would supply food and drink to those who came to help him in his campaign. Later, other candidates started a culture of providing alcohol, drugs and whatever necessary to get the job done. Being a principled man my father did not endorse this new culture and neither did he allow it in his campaign. As time went on, candidates used people with tons of money to fund their campaigns promising them benefits once elected. Presently, the monies used at elections are mostly those gained by illegal activities, because no self-righteous man could possibly afford to spend (or rather waste) so much. To an extent even National List seats are given to some as a way of thanking them for their contribution to the party. Isn’t money politics such a whore?!?

Most often the deserving are not given their due place within the party. Frontline activists who sacrifice, toil and canvass the grass roots are recognized but seldom rewarded. But make no mistake that a loyal and good worker is forever called upon to support the party in any manner. That same fate came upon my father, and he decided to leave because there’s only so much of neglect a man can take.

Everyone for a ride

For decades politicos have toyed with the hopes and aspirations of the voters; promising things beyond the heavens which our gullible public have taken to hook, line and sinker! Now all that needs to be done is to show the illusion of these promised ‘carrots’ for people to salivate. Ignorance apart, I wonder how the common man lacks the slightest ounce of intelligence to compare and contrast the periods of rule of different governments.

At present people are swimming with the same current that started before the war. The current government keeps on harping on how they vanquished terrorism for which we, as a nation should be grateful. Am I to believe that because of this I’m indebted to vote for only one party from now on? I don’t think so. Eradicating threats faced by the people is the duty of the government, and why rulers are given the people’s mandate. I’m not prepared to pledge my endless loyalty come what may. Neither am I to say this endeavour could have been done by others. Time was on our side and so were the people willing to take a risk, and challenge external factors that hindered national interests and progress. For this all credit should go towards the government.

How to play the game

The incumbent president, being the politician that he is, has played this game with much finesse, poise and calculated strategy- kudos to him. Can anyone blame him for wanting to stay on in power? If thought rationally, once a person gets a taste of such power no one voluntarily relinquishes it. Also, there’s none powerful enough at the moment to scuttle his plans for greater power. They are all faithful to him at least for the time being.

Repercussions of the 18 Amendment will be felt by future generations, while there’s no guarantee that who will be in power. If the past is anything to by, the present government will also lose favour because pretty soon everyone would become arrogant of their feats. It will lead to wide spread abuse and exploitation of everything under the sun. The people would become unhappy and agitated with the rulers kicking them out of power. It’s only a speculation, but time will tell.

Until a noble, fair and just society prevails.... God save us all!!