An interview with Cupid

It seems like everyone has been made to divulge sensitive info thanks to Miss. Angel. I have no clue as to why I’m doing this, but studying constantly makes me bored at present. This is one of the ways that I find to unwind. Let’s divert from the common format and make it tad bit more exciting. I will do my own version of Miss. Angel’s wedding tag. Before I start, do not that Mr. Cupid (‘C’ henceforth) is the interviewer. This should be fun at my expense. So, here goes.

C: How old are you?

I: Well, 23 years old.

C: Are you single?

I: Dude, you know the answer to that one, right?

C: Yes... yes. Just checking so let me jot it down. There.... you are ‘hopelessly’ single.

I: Why did you say ‘hopelessly?’

C: My boy, you are just not hitting the right notes at the right time. Plus you’re cramping my style too!!! Try to up the ante.

C: What age do you think you will get married?

I: Erm.... is it possible between 28 and 30?? Later than 30 would be a bloody tragedy.

C: well it certainly would be a disaster. Let me see ... I think we could squeeze you in, if you think you can find a lass by then?

I: So, you reckon I can’t??

C: The way you’re going fat chance, buddy boy! And I shit you not. I have to ask my lady friends how to deal with you. It’s bad for my image, you know.

C: Are you into anyone now by any chance?

I: Oh yes!! I think she’s a lovely gal, and I didn’t expect it to happen. It was just a....

(Cupid suddenly interrupts)

C: Oh for God sake man stop whining. It’s my job you’re talking about. It’s what I do best you see. But do tell about the progress??

I: It’s like a river flowing to the sea, or like one way traffic on a busy highway and the signal lights are seriously not functioning.

C: Ahh... that bad eh?!!? I did try to help, but I don’t think my arrows are carrying enough dosage to deliver a potent punch. I should change my cheap Chinese supplier.

I: Are you telling me that you’re shooting blanks? How can you deceive me like this?

C: Heavens no, my chap. It’s just that she has a very strong armour and not to mention an ‘I-don’t-like-relationship’ force-field. She is a tough cookie no doubt!!

C: Any other options on your mind?

I: Not really because this situation is quite a stomach full. Why do you ask? Any ideas swimming inside your head?

C: I got news from the grapevine that Bangi is rocking this time of year. If you get a chance don’t forget Damansara, Ampang, and the many shopping malls ok!! I try to localise my services as much as possible since Mr. Hitch is getting tech-savvy.

C: Now for the wedding details... how’s it going to go down??

I: Oh BITE ME, will you!! I’ll let the woman handle it. That’s fine, isn’t it?

C: Perfect answer, spoken like a true man. I have to ask this question since it’s in the questionnaire you see. I follow ISO 9001 standards and they audit me quite strictly.

I: So, what happens now? Any more questions?

C: that’s it for now laa! I’ve got another appointment to take care of now. Another time perhaps?

I: Wow! Your using the ‘lah’ already. How come maestro and who is your client?

C: The ‘lah’ is because of this new angel chick I started dating from Malaysia. You forget my boy that I’m global in outlook . Madonna has been behind my back after her breakup for therapy, so got to handle that.

Cupid gets ready to go and flaps his wings and then retorts looking back “I really should go for my wing-and-feather treatments more often!!” Then he comes close to me and gives a word of advice “Now cheer up boy, take it like a man. And here.... have a banana. It’s good for instant energy, seriously. Until next time hang in there.”

Ahhhh...... there we are, all done. Now you know the guy perspective. It’s a step by step thing, which is very wobbly, quite unpredictable, and not inclusive of contingency plans. Stay tuned for the next episode.

Answering the call...

Allahumma inni as’aluka fahmal-nabiyyen wa hifthal mursaleen al-muqarrabeen
(O Allah! I ask You for the understanding of the prophets and the memory of the messengers, and those nearest to You)

In the midst of the exam season there is something distracting me. It’s a whisper in my ear. It’s in the form of an illusion, and sometimes a mirage in my imagination. A tease in the way of what lies ahead. My tank of expectations is filled to the brim and I feel it might overflow its banks. Even my mental dam would not be able to hold it for long. I can almost hear the call of Lanka waiting impatiently for my return. The picture, clear in my mind is very inviting and certainly worth looking forward to. Such a lot would have changed, as usual. That would be the most consistent thing that I experience every time. I long to hold the only woman in my life until now and say, ‘I’ve missed you so much.’

I must admit the challenge of focusing or channelling all my energy takes a lot of conscious effort. Every time I sit at my desk my mind skims through all the memories of the motherland. Anticipation is at peak levels and I have had an overdose of it. I’m afraid there is no known cure currently found by the chaps wearing white coats. Having said all this, one cannot just take finals lightly. After finishing one paper, I’m making it a point to fire on all cylinders for the rest of the papers as well. I’ll party once I land at home.

I got news that my mates are planning a trip to the hills. That’s one excuse to get away from home and do things you can’t do on a normal sanity level. My policy would be to do anything whacky and crazy as long as no one gets hurt. But look at it this way, what are good friends for if they don’t let you do stupid things....alone?? Yeah, that’s what it’s all about, no doubt. An outstation getaway, a few nutty mates, no adult supervision (we’re adults aren’t we?? Yeah, as if that’s going to help!!), and raging imagination is just what the doctor ordered to release stress. I believe the name is Dr. Get-your-freak-on. If any of you want a prescription do holler, aight!?! I will make it a point to mention all the freaky things that happen. The premise is NOT everything that happens in a place stays there!!

So, I wish all those insomnia ridden undergrads with zombie-like symptoms ‘good luck’ for finals. Well, as they say, better late than never eh??

Closed closets with open secrets

In my head: ‘With arms wide open’ by Creed.

Getting rid of the pre-exam blues is essential for my psyche. Just thinking of the dreaded challenge ahead makes my head spin like a top. On Thursday (23^rd Oct), it turned out to be a cut loose sessions with a many things coming out of the closet from those who were present at Miss. Nerd’s house.

The narration of the past events will be done in names that give more excitement to the reader. I like it this way by giving everyone nicknames. It’s more enjoyable and a bit anonymous, I hope.

Miss. Angel was good enough to give me a lift to the place along with her hubby, and not to mention Mr. MB (Mama’s Boy). We were the first to arrive and made ourselves comfy while helping ourselves to the snacks. Munching was going to take on the whole new level from then onwards. Miss. Nerd’s little bro took an exceptional liking to Miss. Angel to the extent he climbed on her shoulders. I must say the small chap has immense potential in scaling many things. Miss. Angel was scared out of her wits, but things ended well. This proves Miss. Angel is a hit among children, good on you!!

The lunch was very delicious and I did not hesitate to take seconds from most of the things. But I took many serving of the satay. Who wants to count that anyway?? The guys were left to shame by Miss. Model who marched on to the third serving with ease. This is one chick who knows how to dig in. I must say it was very enjoyable to see a lady not bothered about eating less. Hats off to Miss. Nerd for preparing a luncheon that hit all the right notes. Now where’s my check list?? I have to strike out ‘culinary ability’ on Miss. Nerd’s profile.

Miss. Hyper took most people’s attention by giving captions to many pics taken that day. The most common was she posing as the second wife of Miss. Angel. I’m hardly complaining because I played a part in one of the pics - Miss. Hyper’s jealous ex-boyfriend. I’m quite content with the response from those present, but the best would be Miss. Model. Her ability to mimic many emotions and the art of effortless posing seem too good. On the bright side, women are good at posing anyway. Miss. I-am-Hot and Miss. RF (Roger Federer) imparted a few female perspectives on certain issues which were much helpful. It’s quite sad when a cute guy later turns out to be gay!! They didn’t seem at all happy about the prospects.

All in all, it was great food, bellies full of laughs, hundreds of candid pics, and not to mention the kinky nonsense talk. It was perfect, and to all those who were there “let’s do it again eyy?”

What I learnt out of this:

• Baju Melayu is like Kryptonite to women so it’s no harm flaunting it while it lasts.
• Women know that guys don’t like skinny models, and prefer Sports Illustrated (well, Miss. Model did anyway!!)
• Living up to Miss. Hyper’s standards of posing requirements is certainly tough and not to mention awkward.
• You can admit to any guy things amidst women as long as your girlfriend is not there.
• It’s not only guys who act gay because chicks do it too. (this was mind blowing)
• Apparently, for some reason all the ‘HOT’ women seem to be living in Bangi (yeah..you know who you are??)
  

p.s- If you folks want to see priests singing ‘Ave Maria’ do check this out.

The final yard, bluff and blunders, and stinky socks!!

“O my Lord! Expand my breast; ease my task for me; and remove the impediment from my speech, so they may understand what I say” (20:25-28).

This recitation helped me to overcome a very bad case of stammering back in the day, and it took some perseverance on my part as well. Do keep in mind that God will not help those who don’t want to help themselves.

Only one way to say this......... it’s gonna be one hell of a long post. If you have the time, do check out ‘Asma Allah’ by Sami Yusuf. It’s a very good song and I keep on listening to it over, and over again at one time. Another one would be 'I only ask of God' by Outlandish.

As final exams knocks at your door you can only wonder as to where all the time went. Memories are still fresh of how the new semester started; I even remember my first day of campus quite vividly. Then, I was delusional that everyone followed university rules and protocol only to learn that it was all a farce. Right then, back to the present. Things are looking bright this semester, but then again it is most of the time until finals. The past few days have been unbelievably hectic, physically excruciating, mentally stressful, and not to mention a stark realisation of ‘oh hell!! We’re doing the same shit again and again.’ I have not had a more eventful week this semester than this one.

One of my strengths is the ability to express and articulate myself better than others. It must be because I can talk, talk, and talk some more until the cows come home. Anyway, the presentation for strategic management got a bit queasy at the end. We hadn’t stated recommendations for the company in which we had to analyse. But fear not, the report would be edited accordingly. Last Friday’s presentation took the cake easily by a mile. To make it short, halfway during the presentation there was a mix up with the slides because a presenter didn’t know how to return to the original slide after clicking a hyperlink. What followed was ‘esc’; then ‘start the ppt again’; and continue from the breakdown point. My heart was in my mouth with the thoughts ‘crap!! Now we’re really going to lose marks.’ We didn’t forget the corporate video. Yea, that’s how we roll!!! After the entire escapade, my lecturer said “very good presentation. You should have presented first to set the benchmark for the other groups.” Hearing this remark my ego along with the other members soared to Himalayan levels. It got me thinking as to how we actually pulled it through?? Are we so good at selling a bluff and not get caught for it!?! The answer was simple ‘hell yea, baby!!’

I have had it with my neighbour and his hygiene issues. I don’t care unless it affects me directly and disrupts my lifestyle. This dude removes his socks and puts them on the ledge outside my room. Mind you, he wears them to play, and then dumps it on the ledge outside my door. Can you imagine the pain and agony of having that stench hit your sensors every day? I found a solution for it. I bet you would do the same. I threw the socks off the ledge!!

O Most Compassionate, have compassion on our weaknesses

O Forgiver, forgive our sins

O Concealer, conceal our faults

O Bestower of honour, bestow honour on our Ummah

O Grantor of prayers, answer our prayers

O Gentle One, be gentle with us

Ameen!!!

p.s – If you see me wearing black trousers all the time just know that I have no clothes to wear except for 3 pairs of black trousers. The culprit is weight loss. My other trousers are like gunnies so, it wont look cool. After landing in the motherland, first thing is SHOPPING!!!

The return of a son...

In my head: O Fortuna by Mozart, a very powerful and uplifting composition. If you like classical music then this might appeal to you, if not, your missing out on good music. This reminds of the music that we used to listen as a psyche-up before rugby matches and drama performances back in the day.

So, on with the matter at hand.

He came back from home on Thursday to finish off a semester bogged down with a few sorrowful memories. Leaving for home two weeks earlier, little did he know of what was to come. I, being his friend hoped that developments turn favourable towards him. Making haste to board a plane out of Malaysia was the only thing on his mind. His father lies in hospital and diagnosed with two blood clots in his brain. News of this magnitude itself is enough to send shivers down anyone’s spine. The situation was made even more complicated by a protective and caring mother not telling her son all the information. Needless to say, she had the best of intentions towards her son.

Restlessness took its toll and the son decided to return home fearing the inevitable. I too feared the same because none have come out perfectly unscathed in a prior scenario. Before leaving for home his mind was not in the present and neither could he have cared. One could see how he waited so pensive, fidgety, and anxious to leave. I felt his body language saying “Dad, I’m coming now. I’ll be there next to you very soon. I’m coming for you, dad!” He made it back home and things were not looking so bright. Eid was spent in the hospital looking down on his father thinking if he would pull through. He even sent me an sms reminding how my Eid could have eclipsed his thousand times over, and still be much better.

On the second day after Eid, his father’s condition had become complicated and God took his soul. At the time news came I was in Singapore checking ticket prices to go back home. I felt this sense of helplessness and rigidity as never before. The son got the chance to bury his father, which was a blessing in disguise. It was one and half years since he had last been home, and the second time he went was to bury his father. How fickle life is, don’t you think so?

Now, it’s to look ahead and do what is necessary. Time shall extinguish the sorrow in my friend’s heart, and I will do whatever needed to make him better. After all we are mates for better or for worse, and in good times and bad. After his return, he is not the same person I have known for the past 4 years. I pray that God will make it easier for him, Ameen!!

Life is a never-ending cycle; most say it’s like a wheel. Many are the obstacles along the way; potholes, speed bumps, detours, and much more. The wheel adjusts its velocity to these situations accordingly and goes on its way, but it stops for no one.

Pieces of Me....

I feel like floating on a gust of wind
Far removed from present thought
Carried away in the occurring moment
Wrapped in a blanket of imaginary thoughts

I, at times feel bright and clear as day
Overflowing with energy, so much gay
Like the beating of a child's tender heart
Fragile entirely, but easily satisfied

I, at times feel dark like the night
Hollow, drab and ever so empty inside
Ignoring all that is surrounding me
Craving for solitude and doses of respite

I am a timely and periodic mood shifter
A chameleon portraying an array of emotions
Possessing masks that fit to any given situation
In spite of it all clinging to the rope of optimism

I am a realistically infatuated dreamer
Given the chance, even a suave romantic
In a fervent search of an elusive damsel
Ti'l my lonely life on earth comes to pass

The Baby Manual: An Unorthodox Version

Playing in my head now: What hurts the most by Rascal Flatts, Runaway (one of my favourites) by The Corrs, Nightingale by Yanni (one of my favourite contemporary composers) and Peace train by Cat Stevens (his music really gets to me. my #1 songwriter of all time).

Whenever, I come to JB there is something to look forward to. It's nothing more than seeing this enthusiastic toddler running about here and there. I must say, it is somewhat of a joy to see a child grow up; take the first steps; utter 'never heard of' sounds; and witness many antics up their sleeve from time to time. These small chaps know how to keep the adult mind guessing at all times, and guess what- they are winning!!! My job scope is like a parents assistant. Don't you think it kind of sounds professional? Here are a few tips for aspiring people in this ancient, but rapidly diversifying field.

Building a good rapport with the child is crucial for survival because the job task becomes easier. In my case except for the parents I am the only other related family member. Thus, I became an instant hit a long time back.

Building the child's mind is of immense importance. I have taught the boy how to do a "hi5." He has a mean one in which you can hear it go 'smack' when both our palms come into contact. Barney (a huge dinosaur character) is the latest fad for kids. The cd's contain numerous songs for the little ones, and I have sung along as well. Why?? It's quite simple really!! When 3 out of 4 people in a house start single there is nothing much one can do, but join the group. I even got the small chap to press some keys on the laptop, and hes quite good with the mouse for 15 month old baby, anyway!! Curiosity knows no bounds and inquisitiveness is at an all time high; he caught a bug and then broke its torso in two!!

The boy is an upcoming food lover in which I have a lot of faith. He is keen to try anything and everything that is seen on the table. Another proud Sri Lankan Malay in the making, but then again all Malays love food. He insanely loves Milo, and can tell by its colour. He cant be fooled and if not given kicks up a tantrum. Obviously, you don't have a choice then. Endowed with a good idea about the food he eats; the same thing cannot be given more than once in a day. A very picky chap, is he not??

A cute and cuddly expression makes you anything, but think before you do it. We are all at the mercy of their cuteness. I have never been so gullible when it comes to babies!! But ignoring those twinkly eyes and innocent smile is next to impossible. So, the bottom line is the babies win. If he runs to you because he is sleepy, then you have hit the jackpot. It means the kid 'digs' you like crazy!! It happened to me a few times and the feeling was indescribable. Here was a tiny boy with his head on one of your shoulders snoring away without a care. The only thing your thinking at that time is the child's safety, and absolutely nothing else.

Finally, the kids have loads of extra energy that seem to be expendable in gigantic proportions. I and his father are thoroughly worked out by chasing the boy around the house. He wobbles/runs along while shouting a language only other babies would understand. When you have a baby going to the gym becomes a thing of the past.

For more information do contact me. My gosh!! I sound like one of those children's TV presenters, but the only difference is I am a man!!