All in a days work

At present, being 'temporarily' unemployed may be a sort of blessing in disguise. In one way I get to help around the house; by this it means I help mum. I never noticed it before, maybe I was not that observant, but she does all the work at home. It's really amazing to watch her juggle all the chores, look into whatever that is required by us (meaning dad, bro and I), have a mental inventory of supplies, and not to mention give a good scolding when you're out of line etc. I daresay, she would beat superwoman hands down!! Having said that, I'm sure she beat superwoman like about 20 years ago.

I have managed to pitch in whenever I'm needed; to lift heavy objects, run errands.... you know, its mostly heavy duty stuff. Then one day I took a bold move and started to do the dishes without warning. If I had asked to do them she would always say, no!! I think mothers don't like their sons in the kitchen. I wonder why? All of a sudden I went 'commando' and started with the dishes, later she came and told me stop; but like I was just going to drop everything and leave!! One of my policies, which I have adopted over the years is to finish whatever I start. Thus, I did all the dishes, and in return, as appreciation got a few kind words and a kiss.

My skills are being honed on many avenues, cutting beef is one of them. If you ignorant lot think cutting beef is a 'piece of cake', then I would tell you to think again. I was only given a tutorial that lasted a good 5-10 minutes, and after that, it was all me. Surprisingly, I kind of picked up on a few things mum taught me and successfully finished task. I guess it must have been my hidden culinary skills erupting like lava from a dormant chef-to-be soul. I'm not going to say that it was easy; what with having to cut layers of fat (mum has a zero policy on fat!!), then some skin, and what not. Let me make one thing clear- your mum is the most strict of supervisors you will ever come across.

There you have it folks, I'm somewhat of a butcher. Hmmm.... a new line of employment perhaps?!? .........NOT. Hajj was a challenge when it came to making a fire to barbecue satay. The local satay is hardly sweet, rather its kind of spicy. Usually, coconut shells are used to make the fire, alas, there were none. So, we resorted to coal not knowing how things would turn out. Coal took about an hour to really emit required heat in order to cook the satay, but in the end victory was ours!!

Although, its a bit late, Eid Mubarak to everyone!!

Going back in rewind

It has been a week since landing in the golden shores of my motherland. One thing I must mention is that not a lot has changed. Among some of the significant things done by me include attending a friends wedding (though I can't remember the last time attending one at home), paying for a year long gym membership (got to stay in shape!!), and applying for jobs the very next day I landed. Thus far, there have not been any replies.

When I look back at my tenure in Malaysia, it is satisfying to know there is no unfinished business; even in the case of Ms. X. For once, my mind is clear and not in bits and pieces, neither does it wander aimlessly. Frankly, I did the right thing, so too, thought my 'panel' of advisers who have been by my side. The end result was as expected, but I took heart in a single aspect; I never had any expectations in the first place. As a start, my advisers were quite realistic regarding my pursuit, therefore gave me wise consultation. In the end, it all boils down to one thing- can you handle it?!? If that be a resounding and confident 'yes', then I would say good on you; but if one can't, that's too bad.

At present, I'm all about back-tracking, tuning myself to the local rhythm. Since I'm going to be here for quite sometime, I thought let's make the best of it. My statistics lecturer during my first sem in uni inquired as to who liked the subject, to which a few raised their hands. To the rest of the class he said this- "If you don't like statistics there's nothing much can be done, but LEARN to like it." I think that saying is quite apt given my scenario. I have optimism about one thing, and that is, somehow everything would work out, Insha Allah.

It will not be a cake walk because I realise there is a lot being expected from me. In my eyes I have to deliver, whatever the cost to myself. In the past years I learned about priorities the hard way!! First, in Malaysia, it was my studies and not a lot other activities. Now, its my family, and I have no intention of failing, it's not an option. I realise very well, after speaking to my parents what is expected of me, as the eldest child. Sacrifices by oneself have to be made because that's the only way to give priority to another, and it ain't gonna be easy.

My blog of late has been very depressing, that being my own opinion. What happened to that humorous, innuendo-prone, jovial man?!!? Answer to that one only rests in the hands of God. But I really do hope that man would pay me a visit and stay for a long time. I need that chap more than anything, or anyone right now; he is only person who can keep me going.

Blurry..... Cluttered.......and Confused

As I woke up this morning something didn't feel right. My thoughts were all jumbled up and scattered; it took awhile to figure out what I should do next after waking up. Last night I ran after someone. That "someone" kept getting further away everytime I came closer and closer. Utterly frustrating as it sounds, the entire episode was played out in a subconscious state. It was one of those bouts where you are pulled into it a 100 percent with no room to escape. On the other hand, the entire incident to an extent was real. I hated to admit it, but somethings I just couldn't let go, and neither chuck it away to some cornet of my heart hoping it will gradually decompose. Honestly, it has never been this hard before; question is why now?!!?

I'm nearing the final corner of my marathon; a marathon that taught me many things about life, changed my perspectives, broadened my thinking, and reformed my soul to an extent. It was one of God's small mercies bestowed upon me, and hope I carried out my duty to the full.

Although, I advocate rational thinking and actions, there are times I wish they didn't exist. Fostering and nurturing my rational ideology has come at the cost of ignoring my feelings, or better yet, my heart!! I feel now that I should have said the things which I wanted to in the past. My cardiac pressure chamber has compressed a Himalaya of feelings without letting it all out; I cant afford to compress anymore. In the end people are subjected to circumstance and so many other factors that go along with it. What a bitch!!! I only want to say what I want and be done with it, but that's easier said than done.

Everything is coming into place: on Wednesday my programme at the NGO will finish, and Thursday will be my final day in office. I'm not sentimental about leaving the NGO, rather relieved. I've sent all my books and other stuff by cargo last week. Now its just to hop into the plan and wait for the take, and let's not forget the landing.

But I still can't forget that "someone" from my head..........