Goodbyes.... temporary or forever!!!

A lot of things are swimming in my head this time. Even though, it's the fasting month incidents have kept unfolding at a rapid pace. Firstly, this song keeps on playing in my faculties at exponential rates. I just cannot explain it; the emotions that I feel when hearing this song is beyond compare. I have absolutely never felt anything like it before. The chorus is without a doubt engraved in my subconscious mind, that keeps on repeating itself over and over again. Describing this state is simply beyond me, and I will not even try.

Secondly, the number of tragic deaths that were reported during this holy month is so unreal. What in God's name is the world coming to?? An African stabbed to death in Wangsa Maju; the victim was provoked by a local calling him "nigger." I don't blame the victim for wanting to kick the assailants ass. I say break a few bones while your at it. In the end, an entire gang came down on the African and he succumbed to his injuries. The body was brought to the campus mosque for afternoon prayers. I felt revengeful towards the killers, and sad for the deceased since he was ONLY 19.

Then, there was my friend, country mate, and roomie since I started uni; his dad was in a serious state. A blood clot in the brain, and the news was not good from the home front. Operating the clot was ruled out by the doctors. This scenario is all too familiar in my stored memory. My grandfather had a similar situation that resulted in a stroke, and he never made it through. I hope and pray that my friends father does not acquire the same fate. My mate hopped on a plane and went home on Thursday. I know how he feels; the anxiety; the pressure; and not to mention fearing the inevitable. Seeing ones father on a hospital bed fighting for dear life, I pray no child should see. I saw it in 2006 when went back home, and don't wish it again- forever!!

Finally, my room mate from Syria is going back home after 5 years. I cannot even summon up the word to relate to this scenario. It just blows me away. The sheer depth of it left me speechless, and not to mention awestruck. Here was a man who stayed away from home for 5 years throughout his undergraduate life. Now he is even scared to go back home knowing very well that it's not the same place it once was. I wish him the best, but don't know if our paths will cross ever again.

One moment in time.....

The Person You Are

I think in the range of infinity
So that I may get an inch of clarity
As to what kind of a person you are
Every time I begin to ponder
To unearth the person of my wonder
To comprehend; the likes of who you are

They tell me your not alike the rest
Ti's proving to be my ultimate test
But I'd still like to know who you are
I do hope you can spare some time
In order to immerse my inquisitive mind
And unlock the mystery of who you are

Inspiration to me comes in a moment in which everything around me is non-existent. The only things that flow are words; an endless stream of words. In that space in time, to me, nothing else matters. All I would ever need is a piece of paper and pencil or pen. The words are never in order and at times don't make sense. But after the entire episode the pieces come together like a completed puzzle.

Singapore in 18 hours

What you will need to do the above:

• A father with a business activity that needs to taken care of, but cant get there.
• A devoted son who wants to get the job done for the father.
• A gullible friend who the son knows ready to say "sure, I can come."
  

We boarded the bus at midnight on Tuesday (16th Sept). This time it did not start in an awry manner like my previous incident - 'one heck of a ride.' The plan was to finish the business deal, do a bit if sightseeing and come back to KL. Entering S'pore at the break of dawn was quite unexpected; the bus driver really did his job well. One thing that impresses anyone entering S'pore is how orderly it is being governed. At dawn, I saw people going about doing there business. A couple of taxi's and cars on the road whizzing here and there.

After getting down at the S'pore bus terminal, we had no idea where we were. Both of us stared at each others faces with blank expressions. My friend (hereafter referred to as Mr. MB, i.e. short of mummy's boy) and I made our way to Mustafa centre by taxi because we were lost. This shopping centre is open 24 hours a day and has everything one could imagine. I wanted to ask if they had forklifts and bulldozers and the back too. Hey, you may never know. We needed a map; there was also a need to freshen up. If I told you that we cleaned up in the men's room of Mustafa centre, would you believe me?? Well, try to picture coming across two guys with faces full of cream, and not to mention cases of contact lenses. A security guard who came into the men's room kept on looking at us. He must have said to himself "eeh, these foreigners!! a crazy lot." Mr. MB and I did not forget to look around the entire shopping centre and get creative while we were at it. Our creative nature will be visible in due course on Facebook, and do have a look.

Haute couture in S'pore is very visible and it was at its peak due to office hours. This did not help since both of us were fasting. But we managed to keep out composure and cool. After all, that's the way we roll. Taking the trains are quite enjoyable because they are more spacious and longer. Mr. MB had never been to the Esplanade or Merlion; thus, I took him there depending on my rusty navigation skills. While there, we tried to take a picture with a cute girl who was running about (we just adore kids la!!!). She must have been a year and few month. Our efforts proved to be futile when the girl started crying as soon as Mr. MB picked her up. Mr. MB needs child skills, no doubt. The heat after about 9am is very unforgiving, and we were unprepared victims. It was so hot and humid that both of us were scurrying for the nearest shelter. Close to midday, we headed for the bank to finish off the transaction. Upon entering the place, cool air circles all around us. I told Mr. MB "you go and finish whatever you have to do. I will just sit near the visitors area." The word 'exhaustion' was clearly an understatement.

We hopped on a bus from S'pore at 1pm, arrived in Pudu Raya by 6pm. On the way back, sleep enveloped me like day giving way to night. I took off my shoes along with my socks and dropped on the seat. Don't worry my feet did not stink!! After coming back to uni, both of us parted ways. I did what any tired, fatigued and exhausted man would be do; that is go to sleep.

23 yrs + 1 day

Yesterday went rather well actually. In the beginning, I started receiving many sms’ during the day. The best one came from my father. Yep, you can count on your dad cum lawyer to boost ones flagging spirits. The sms read “Salams, Many happy returns of the day. May Allah (swt) bless you with strong Iman, good health, superior knowledge and give you the Hidayah to work sincerely for the establishment of His sovereignty on earth. Have a blessed day!” I saw the sms when I woke up to eat for sahur. Needless to say, I felt very much energised by just reading it. Another sms that I really liked was “Happy Birthday Ahmed! May Allah grant you years in your life, and bless you with life in your years, Insha Allah. Have a great day!” All the others were more or less the same.

I had been invited for an ifthar by some Sri Lankans living outside of campus. I got there early and helped out as much I could. While helping out, I got this feeling of enthusiasm. It may have been due to partaking in the preparation, which I thought was quite a noble thing. But I felt good within for a while. Then later, it started to recede gradually. I must say the food was very much above par, and did not hold back on it.

I sat many times on a chair near a few windows that could glimpse the sky. It was a bit removed from the rest of the crowd. Many had asked a friend of mine if there was something wrong with me. After breaking fast, I used to sit on that chair a few times. I would gaze up at the sky and stare; the moon was out so majestic and bright. I watched it skim through dark clouds visible for a few seconds and hidden for a longer time. It was something like how I felt. I felt good for a reasonable period of time, and then not so well later onwards. I was not upset, or irritated, or angry at anything. I could not point a finger on what was making me feel so “not myself.” Towards the end of the event more people had inquired about my situation; some more than once. When my friend inquired I said “Everything is fine, man. No worries.”

Why make others worry about something that worries you?? Unless that person can sincerely empathise with you to that emotion or situation.

Just another ordinary day.....

Time: 00.38 to 1.25 am (13th Sept)

Place: My abode

A new day dawns and this one reminds me of my entrance to the world. To me, it’s just another day as usual. I’ve had bittersweet memories in regard to birthdays. Maybe, I am the only one, or are there others?

In my case birthdays are times to reflect, ponder and gather ones thoughts. Taking stock of what happened, what is happening now, and what will happen in the future consumes a lot of time. Being the thinker that I am; there is nothing else worth while to do anyway. It’s not like I hate birthdays or spurn the thought of it. It’s just that in my case things don’t turn out the way they are supposed to. Many without doubt will be able to relate to this situation in a magnitude of ways. But please, I don’t want to start on this matter. Let’s just sweep it under the rug for now.

Being 23 years ‘younger’ is not an easy feat by far. Reason for using the term “younger” is not a detour to shun the fact that I’m getting older. By far, it’s very much contrary to the point. It’s just that it sounds rather amusing, and so too thought my friend who called to wish me past midnight. Getting older is only natural; thus, bring it on. I must say the thought of being remembered by so many of your old mates is very thrilling. Reminiscing about the good old days certainly brings a shimmer to my eyes. A gleam of light spreads over my eyes surface for a few seconds. There is a rush of emotions and sentiments when thinking about the good old days. Good old days compose of a strong memory cocktail of the good; the bad; and the ugly. I keep saying inside my head “Good God!! Those were the days eh?!?” I think everyone wants to hold on to a piece of their past, which they cherish so dearly. Even though, that past maybe a bitter moment that taught an important lesson.

Currently, I am fighting to keep my emotions in check. The accused in this case would be raging hormones that are beyond my slightest control. These were triggered due my heterosexuality. Always these incidents are much unexpected, and not to mention sudden. Why not think of it as a game of hide and seek?? Ones hidden feelings start sprouting out, even subconsciously, it keeps on flowing. I could relate to my emotions lately as water being shot out of a fountain. Have anyone of you felt very light when walking? Or maybe just stare at something for hours on end thinking about only one thing? I am guilty as charged.

I’ve got a crush on you, my sweetie pie
All the day and night-time hear me sigh
I never had the least notion that
I could fall with so much emotion
Could you coo, could you care???

My Veiled Sister

Queuing in line at the KFC can be a very painstaking ordeal. Especially, when one is has only about 10 minutes to get the food before breaking fast. After a visit to an air fair, a friend and I wound up at KFC thinking it a good place to break fast. At the air fair, we didn’t buy tickets, but succumbed to a lot of heart burns and palpitations. Why you might ask?? If a person had to pay double the air fair he used to within a span of a year, even a heart attack is possible. I tell you, the prices were simply ridiculous and I thought it was caused by my hearing. Then after looking into a few other places it became fact. Damn those Middle Eastern oil barons!!! I have a bone pick with OPEC, and it aint going be pretty.

There were about 3 queues in all with people snaking back until about 12 feet or more. The call to break fast had ended, but we were still standing. We were served drinks from the counter out of courtesy. Then something I never expected happened. A veiled lady who was standing in the line next to me started handing people dates. At first I thought she would only give to the ones closest to her. After she finished giving to those people in her line, she came over to ours. This lady was veiled from head to foot, and I could only see her eyes. As I took a date from her box, even though she didn’t say anything, I felt the warmth of her kindness. All I could say was “Thank you, sister. Thank you, very much.” I was touched by her small gesture, which warmed my heart. I am sure that Allah will reward her immensely for her goodness in the hereafter. Later, I saw her with two children, and by the looks of it they were her own. I smiled looking at the children knowing that they have a very kind and noble hearted mother. To my veiled sister, wherever you are, may you live happily with the grace of God in the days, months and years to come.

While returning, I noticed another sister from my university disembarking from the LRT minus her scarf. I have seen it all too many times, but this time it just made me angry. I think it’s because of my previous encounter at KFC. I am not the one to judge people, but some need to take stock of their priorities. Many times I have wondered why all the things we are learning are turning into a farce?? Religion is becoming an accessory and being abused and manipulated in so many ways. I have a lot to say about this, but why waste my breath. I think its better for those concerned to realise their own folly and rectify them.

Staring at the wall....

Ever since I started university one thing kept me going despite all odds. It was a piece of paper with words on it stuck to my notice board. The words eased my pain when I felt lonely; soothed my soul at times of grief; brought a smile at joyous moments. All in all, reading those words made me feel better even for a second, and accept things as they are. I'm not saying that others have it easy, but how a situation impacts one person is not replicated in the exact way to another.

Looking back now, after more than 3 years, I have managed to stick it out on my own. While I reminisce about the times gone by, many of them were challenges. The good times were a handful, but how I cherish them and hold it all close to my heart. Being mentally strong and able to absorb all that came your way is not a piece of cake. Many are the instances in which I felt like giving up and throwing in the towel, but I persevered. I told myself that I would somehow make it on my own, stand on my own feet, be independent. The concept of independence is very vague and obscure, believe me I have experienced my fair share of it. In reality, no one is independent. The only One really independent is God.

Inspiration can be derived from a vast space of knowledge, which is not constricted by time. It reaches on to infinity, seemingly endless and uncountable. I draw energy from the words of this woman. A woman after my own heart who says it straight without beating behind the bush.

Solitude by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone.

For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,

But has trouble enough of its own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

Sigh, it is lost on the air.

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go.

They want full measure of your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all.

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

For a long and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

Through the narrow aisles of pain.

Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus

The title speaks of an adage old saying of how different both men and women are by nature. It says that both sexes mean contrastingly different things even when using the same word; absorbing and interpreting external stimuli; the manner of perceiving a specific situation etc. Bottom line is that men and women are worlds apart. I happened to learn it the hard way in recent times. But is there no common ground or matters of mutual understanding?? Will there be no solution to this question that keeps on baffling both sexes?? Frankly, I think it is more of a challenge on men when it comes to comprehending women. Women just go on leading their normal lives without much worry, or so I am told.

One myth being perpetuated is that men are insensitive. They never show their true feelings most of the time, and keep them under lock and key from others. In order to put the record straight, men are not comfortable sharing sentimental moments with everybody. The closer the person, more comfortable a man feels. Public showing of emotion is not in a man's nature either. I have shared moments with many of my friends dealing with sensitive information. These are mostly related to relationship issues, and sometimes men do cry. Yes folks, you heard me!!! Men cry, but given that they are so overwhelmed by a particular incident that pushes them over the cliff.

In showing interest both sexes use numerous strategies. I have been exposed to a few, and also implemented some as well. I must admit that the strategies keep on evolving over time, but retain the earlier essence in objective. At times, traffic is only a one way street. Then comes a situation when traffic is flowing on both sides of the bridge. Another type occurs when the signal lights malfunction on one side of the bridge giving mixed feedback. Out of the three the types the final is without doubt the most excruciating. I wonder if there is a real life Mr. Hitch?? How I would jump at the chance of taking a few tutorials from him. I wonder who taught him, hmmm?

Frankly, I accept the difference in genders. Got no problem with it at all, but no one should overdo it. Then it upsets the whole apple cart, and that is just not cool. I am a very sensitive because of my mum and resilient due to my dad's influence. So, its all good in the end. My premise is that understanding each other will help to maintain the balance, and for God sake don't go overboard with stupid mumbo jumbo. That goes to both men and women, since it's all about equity.

The beginning

As the fasting month dawned I wanted to make myself a better person. Its not that I am a hardened criminal, a psycho or sociopath, but the desire to purify my soul felt ever so great. I am not an exemplary Muslim role model by far. Nevertheless, I try to the best of my ability to follow the instructed path given by God. I have to release all the pent up guilt accumulated from the last fast, and ask forgiveness from the Lord. Thus, my quest for redemption is about to begin.

The first day passed by without much effort. It is mostly due to staying indoors and not going about anywhere. Once resuming campus, it is expected to become more arduous. Running around here and there would obviously get a person exhausted. Today, I went to a hawker street to find an array of lovely food. At that same moment I thought why the hawkers in KL didn't sell some of the food I saw here?? Its quite appalling to find the same type of food from stall to another, and not to mention a waste of time. We should create a business module for the hawkers called 'Hawker 101.' They quite badly need a differentiation strategy to stay in business and attract customers.

I will try with all my strength to be a better person this fasting month. While talking to a friend back home I dropped the question "How's fasting going?" The reply I got was quite unorthodox and not to mention amusing from a guys perspective. He quipped "It's okay man. Keeps me away from shagging." This is a perfect example of different views regarding a certain matter. That is all I am saying.

One heck of a ride...

This entry is coming after a very very long time. Due to my academic commitments blogging had to take a break. Since the mid semester break started I was anxious to go to JB. I hadn't seen my nephew in a long while. I missed the cute and naughty little boy like crazy.

On Sunday, I packed my bags and left uni about 1pm and reached the bus terminal an hour later. When I inquired with my usual coach service I would have to wait until 7pm to get a seat. This was of course out of the question. I am never the one to buy tickets without knowing the quality of service provided by a company, but I had little choice. I bought a ticket from a lady who said the bus is leaving at that instant, that being 2pm. When I reached the bus it was already full, which I did not see as a good sign. A guy with a walkie-talkie was quick to assure me that another coach is coming shortly. Little did I know his version of 'shortly' measures to about 2 hours. Until my coach arrived a lot was happening in the surroundings. I was inhaling carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide and sulphur dioxide from the fumes of the many other coaches around me. I was guilty of second hand smoking thanks to many men, and also not to mention women. Let me be blunt for a second; a smoking woman just drives me potty. I am not the one to ruin the argument on gender equality, but smoking just takes the feminine touch out of a woman. I passed my time thinking of ways to clobber and mutilate the servicemen who promised me an early coach, and not living up to it. Business ethics is in a very sorry state. My patience was wearing very thin and if it was back home the scenario would have got a bit ugly.

I finally got a the coach at about 4pm and sat down exhausted. Standing for 2 hours with a bag is certainly not very comforting to ones back and spine. I was on the road and started to read 'Men's Health' in order to get an update on what's new in a man's world. An hour into the ride things started to get very cold, and the culprit was the air-con. I think people are seriously given the wrong impression about the air-con. Its to keep people cool from the heat and humidity, and not to make them feel as if they are in Antarctica. If the freezing was not enough, I was starting to feel hungry around that time. Coming colour was definitely not any good. Halfway through the journey, I made up my mind about the freezing air-con and hunger. It was really starting to work, and what happened next made me lose my cool. The dimwit sitting next to me decided to take off his shoes and put it up on his seat. The stench from his socks was just unforgivable. I am certain he missed a lot of lessons on etiquette throughout his life, and despising this ass was hardly an issue. I felt like vomiting on his face, and then stuffing one sock in his mouth while choking him with the other. It certainly would have been a very satisfying means of revenge, not to mention fitting from my perspective. Did I mention that the driver talk on the phone as if he is addressing the political rally?? Well, that chap talking is an ear full, no doubt. One thought flashed clearly in mind, and that was "this is really not your day, dear boy!!"

Reaching Skudai gave me much relief due to obvious reasons that I had to undergo during the journey. Next time I will not travel in another coach service than my usual one due to incidents of this sort. Thus, I wish to forget this foul episode from my short term memory, but I fear it will stay for sometime. Do note that harmful notions only develop when I am subjected to extreme mental pressure. Apart from that I am a very cool person, I assure you!!