Hollow Heart...

Ramadan is back and this time I'm at home after a lapse of 5 long years. Being at home in a way does feel good, but why do I miss the university life? When I was there, I longed to be home, and now that I'm here its hardly a reason to celebrate. Its safe to say that during the 5 years I changed a great deal both physically and mentally, the uni environment suckled me every day leaving a lasting impact. I was able to burn down certain impressions and barriers, broaden my horizons, soak up foreign exposure- for which I'll always be indebted.

The experience of Ramadan on foreign soil brings great memories, lasting ones you can't forget even if you wanted to. Mosque provides ifthar to anyone who comes, plus there are others who also do it privately. The best part in all of this is the mosque. I've never loved, or still continue love a mosque so much as this.

This love affair (if I could call it that) started when I first arrived as a fresher. My friends and I used to sleep in the mosque during late evenings after walking around the campus; we were explorers determined to discover new places in our uni. Sleeping in the mosque was a great thrill simply because its unheard of in Lanka, and you're not allowed either. One thing that made sleeping very pleasurable was the carpet covering the entire mosque floor, thickness of it was just right hence no pillow required, and also its surface texture very soothing to the skin. As time went by, I would frequent the mosque daily for prayers in congregation. Going there to pray kept my senses in check, helped me gather my thoughts, restrain myself from countless temptations- could I have asked for anything else?!?

And tarawih prayers -Allah bless those Imams- simply made my heart melt with their recitals. Each rakath used to take close to 7 or 8 min, but you know what, it hardly felt so taxing on the body. Being in that mosque, doing the prayers hardly felt like exerting effort. I doubt that I'll come across a Lankan mosque that would infuse me with such fervour. Neither will any local Imam recite the Quran with such beauty and melody. Standing next to someone you hardly know is common in prayer, that too if he's from another country, even a faraway continent. I've stood beside my brothers who came from all corners of the globe- and that I'm really proud of.

Food-wise, of course, I can't find half the things I used to. At the many canteens it was as if the world could be found on a single table. Choices were plenty and providers came from all parts of the globe- Arabs, Somali, Sudanese, European, Chinese, not to mention Malaysian and so much more.

I could go on, but words will surely fail me. Just one last thing before I end- I really miss you so so bad, now more than ever!! I long to see you again and pray in your shade. The day before leaving Malaysia (which was a Friday) after prayers I kissed one of the pillars, and whispered "goodbye, until I come again".

Until I come see you again....

An empty stomach with an overflowing heart

I like this song for many reasons my heart cannot sum up in words. Plus, I have found a new singer whom I intend to follow in time to come. Honestly, I don't feel like listening to any other music these days. It's like suddenly I have no liking for the songs and singers whom I liked before. I'm on an all out nasheed downloading spree!!

I went to the uni mosque for Friday prayers, the one place that I love the most. I can remember the times my friends and I used to nap over there. It all happened when we first arrived in Malaysia long time ago, and it was a new thing for us. Back in the motherland no one is allowed to sleep in mosques- never. Listening to the sermon made me realise how stale things have become. A fiery sermon is what I want; one full of examples, practical approach, recollection etc. Instead of that, I see the Imam reading from a text, which he couldn't do properly either. Flow of the speech was very monotonous, it hardly had any high points. So, what's the point in delivering one, and that too in a place like the 'garden?' Another thing is sermons in Arabic, which only a certain portion of the congregation understand. Then your only choice is to wait until the Imam calls for prayer.

Fasting has made Muslims lazy as I found out today when in my faculty general office. I had to get some copies certified along with those of two other friends. When I asked the secretary to certify it for me she inquired the number of copies. I answered as 9 copies. She then told me to get it signed from any lecturer I know because apparently they certify things only on Wednesdays. What would happen to those who can't make it on a Wednesday?? Boo-hooo, tough luck chum. I ask you, how hard can it be to stamp 9 copies? Answer- hardly takes more than 10 min. I gave the copies to the office because all the lecturers I knew were out, then I had to pick them up at 2pm. The Muslim world is surely not going to prosper with such a work ethic. Ironically, the 'garden' is fostering an idealism that is contrary to the practice.

While waiting for the bus in Idaman this week I saw a vendor selling kuih. It was the kuih that is green on top and has rice at the bottom. To me, it tastes like a rice dish back home sans the green topping, and I have no clue what its called. Having said that, the kuih drew my attention many times because I kept on glancing at it from time to time. I wanted to buy some for ifthar. Then I purposefully thought of not buying it since I want to feel the despair in not enjoying something I like. I thought of people who don't have the means to buy food they like, but see it in front of them. How crushed would they feel? Not to mention the anguish of a person who is already in hunger. Many people have got the wrong idea about fasting, I think. Would u believe me if I tell you that people consume more in this month, than any other month of the year?? Believe it!!

I have made a solemn pledge regarding this holy month. That is to derive all of its goodness and comprehend what it's trying to teach or impart on man. My journey is to feel the suffering, the pain, the anguish which is not felt on any other day or month. Be closer to God as much as possible because I too have strayed knowingly and unknowingly. To cleanse, purify and reform my mind, body, heart and soul.

Insha Allah.........I hope God will show me the way.

The beginning

As the fasting month dawned I wanted to make myself a better person. Its not that I am a hardened criminal, a psycho or sociopath, but the desire to purify my soul felt ever so great. I am not an exemplary Muslim role model by far. Nevertheless, I try to the best of my ability to follow the instructed path given by God. I have to release all the pent up guilt accumulated from the last fast, and ask forgiveness from the Lord. Thus, my quest for redemption is about to begin.

The first day passed by without much effort. It is mostly due to staying indoors and not going about anywhere. Once resuming campus, it is expected to become more arduous. Running around here and there would obviously get a person exhausted. Today, I went to a hawker street to find an array of lovely food. At that same moment I thought why the hawkers in KL didn't sell some of the food I saw here?? Its quite appalling to find the same type of food from stall to another, and not to mention a waste of time. We should create a business module for the hawkers called 'Hawker 101.' They quite badly need a differentiation strategy to stay in business and attract customers.

I will try with all my strength to be a better person this fasting month. While talking to a friend back home I dropped the question "How's fasting going?" The reply I got was quite unorthodox and not to mention amusing from a guys perspective. He quipped "It's okay man. Keeps me away from shagging." This is a perfect example of different views regarding a certain matter. That is all I am saying.