It's a situation that has boomeranged on me numerous times. This situation, a feeling of utter disappointment and despair sticks to me like a leech. I had hopes of turning things around when I arrived back home. Despite these hopes and almost close to a year it is evident that I'm incapable of securing a job.
I wonder if I was too hopeful and overly optimistic in thinking once I land at home things would be ok. To be very honest things have not gone well at all. In some aspects I'm making progress like in terms of the youth group; that alone is not good enough. In short, my career has hardly taken flight, and how much more ominous can things get?
I've switched modes and moods completely since last week. This job hunting exercise with its diplomacy, contacts and applications are wearing me down. To be honest I HATE IT!! I'm quite the veteran in maintaining moods and composure, but since lately I thought- screw it. Why hide it? If I want to be down in the dumps let it be so; at times masking emotions is not worth the effort. I'm fed up of the question "so....tell me about yourself" together with all the related questions that go with it. I've talked so much about myself that I find myself boring!! I mean wouldn't you? For a very outward and talkative chap that's nothing beyond depressing. I can hardly work up the stamina or the enthusiasm like before.
I have not shaved in close to 3 weeks because I don't feel like doing so. Neither am I keen on doing any other of my routine activities like going to the gym, blogging etc. For once I don't want to feel like I'm in control of the situation, then again, was I ever. I look like some street bum when I leave home with the only exception of having better clothes and shoes on me. I have intention of shaving anytime soon either.
There's an alumni function next week in which I'm part of the organising committee and I'm debating whether I should shave?!? Should I give a dignified appearance or go 'au naturel' saying to hell with it all. The latter idea sounds appealing, and sort of rebellious. I went for the progress meeting yesterday with a full-grown beard looking like a family man (my baldness adds to the effect too).
To say this is a test of my patience would be right, but can anyone hold on to it for so long? I fear I'm ending the end of my rope. Obviously, there's a sense of fear and insecurity of how it will affect me, and how well I can react to it. As I write this, even my thought process is going wonky not allowing me to get my ideas right.
I'm stopping here....I just can't do it anymore. So much for blogging eh?
There's an alumni function next week in which I'm part of the organising committee and I'm debating whether I should shave?!? Should I give a dignified appearance or go 'au naturel' saying to hell with it all. The latter idea sounds appealing, and sort of rebellious. I went for the progress meeting yesterday with a full-grown beard looking like a family man (my baldness adds to the effect too).
To say this is a test of my patience would be right, but can anyone hold on to it for so long? I fear I'm ending the end of my rope. Obviously, there's a sense of fear and insecurity of how it will affect me, and how well I can react to it. As I write this, even my thought process is going wonky not allowing me to get my ideas right.
I'm stopping here....I just can't do it anymore. So much for blogging eh?
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