A commuter’s training schedule

Many things come to mind when one ponders and goes back in time about the many experiences encountered while patronizing the subway. More often than not, those memories are seldom anything that can put a smile on your face. It makes me shrug and shake my head most of the time.

Having been a regular commuter for the past 2 months, I’m now ready to throw in the towel and call it a day. I can’t bear it when the recording goes “next station…..” It didn’t take long to memorise all the stops along the way, that’s for sure. Writing up a commuter training schedule at the inception is a very tedious & arduous thing to do, especially for a beginner. A beginner is oblivious to the many trials and hurdles that maybe thrown into his/her path. It requires a lot of commuting on a daily basis. This way you soak up a lot of things, which can be good, bad and not forgetting the ugly.

It is paramount that a person considering daily travel in the subway takes up special training in order to adapt to life inside the train. Inside the train can be defined as: “the wrong place at the wrong time can be detrimental.” Firstly, everyone should undergo a course in ‘contortionist 101’, which deals with adjusting ones posture to the given situation. It comprises bending, arching, twisting, balancing and many other routines; ultimately achieving a state of bodily divinity. It will come of use beyond any shadow of doubt. As the laws of physics are applied on the body, there are two choices. Either you fight it or give in to it. Since the former choice is being held in high regard the course will do wonders.

Secondly, rugby skills can be incorporated, which teach shoving and repelling a forward charge. Methodology and application of this technique will vary from those who are big made from those who aren’t. This is crucial if a commuter is stranded near the door at the time of embarkation. At moments like this holding on to ones patch of rubbery flooring is of the essence. Toughening up the body, conditioning muscles as well as impact absorption are infused into the curriculum. Being tough physically will enable a commuter to withstand a long commute and still have energy after disembarkation. We don’t want them to fall like flies now, do we??

We are not done yet!!! Culminating the training is a couple of tips on hygiene. Tall people should be told to wear deodorant since someone obviously will be under there armpit. Coughing, sneezing, grunts and any other sounds should be controlled as best. Farting in the train is taboo under any circumstances (applies to office hours only). Further modifications to the training will be notified in due course.