One Word Description

If I were to describe myself in one word, at the moment, nothing would be far more true than what you see below..

Also, feel free to imagine my forehead engraved with the spellings, L-O-S-E-R!! Hell, I might as well wear a t-shirt and walk everywhere because it doesn't matter anymore. If I were another person looking at myself, I would definitely say "you suck!!" It's better telling it to yourself rather than having somebody else smack it in your face.

What's going on with me?

Well, it has been a year since I graduated, and I'm still not off the blocks. I was reminded of it when my mum made a remark of it in passing.

I'm hanging by less than a thread now, and not in high spirits at all.

I'm avoiding people and any social gathering because of fear; fear of being asked things like "so.. what are you doing now?" or "hey, which company are you in?" For an outgoing person I've turned a complete 360- meet people if its essential and get the hell out of there.

Dammit, I'm so sick and tired of repeating myself over and over and over again!!

I haven't shaved since my last interview (roughly more than 2 weeks ago), and got no intention of shaving anytime soon either. This beard on my face would probably make me unrecognisable to some, but that's ok with me. I just cant be that chatty right now.

Looking back at the past, it makes me wonder if all the things I did count for nothing. That means all of what I've done and achieved is merely hopeless. It is most definitely a bitter pill and swallow it I must.

All those times I pushed myself, thinking of better things to come, has not happened. Making sacrifices at this point sounds like rubbish.

They say you should have patients, but people should have also said when to kick it in the ass and give up. Its my fuckin' problem and I need to deal with it; thing is, I don't know how I'll change when I come out of it..