Just another ordinary day.....

Time: 00.38 to 1.25 am (13th Sept)

Place: My abode

A new day dawns and this one reminds me of my entrance to the world. To me, it’s just another day as usual. I’ve had bittersweet memories in regard to birthdays. Maybe, I am the only one, or are there others?

In my case birthdays are times to reflect, ponder and gather ones thoughts. Taking stock of what happened, what is happening now, and what will happen in the future consumes a lot of time. Being the thinker that I am; there is nothing else worth while to do anyway. It’s not like I hate birthdays or spurn the thought of it. It’s just that in my case things don’t turn out the way they are supposed to. Many without doubt will be able to relate to this situation in a magnitude of ways. But please, I don’t want to start on this matter. Let’s just sweep it under the rug for now.

Being 23 years ‘younger’ is not an easy feat by far. Reason for using the term “younger” is not a detour to shun the fact that I’m getting older. By far, it’s very much contrary to the point. It’s just that it sounds rather amusing, and so too thought my friend who called to wish me past midnight. Getting older is only natural; thus, bring it on. I must say the thought of being remembered by so many of your old mates is very thrilling. Reminiscing about the good old days certainly brings a shimmer to my eyes. A gleam of light spreads over my eyes surface for a few seconds. There is a rush of emotions and sentiments when thinking about the good old days. Good old days compose of a strong memory cocktail of the good; the bad; and the ugly. I keep saying inside my head “Good God!! Those were the days eh?!?” I think everyone wants to hold on to a piece of their past, which they cherish so dearly. Even though, that past maybe a bitter moment that taught an important lesson.

Currently, I am fighting to keep my emotions in check. The accused in this case would be raging hormones that are beyond my slightest control. These were triggered due my heterosexuality. Always these incidents are much unexpected, and not to mention sudden. Why not think of it as a game of hide and seek?? Ones hidden feelings start sprouting out, even subconsciously, it keeps on flowing. I could relate to my emotions lately as water being shot out of a fountain. Have anyone of you felt very light when walking? Or maybe just stare at something for hours on end thinking about only one thing? I am guilty as charged.

I’ve got a crush on you, my sweetie pie
All the day and night-time hear me sigh
I never had the least notion that
I could fall with so much emotion
Could you coo, could you care???

My Veiled Sister

Queuing in line at the KFC can be a very painstaking ordeal. Especially, when one is has only about 10 minutes to get the food before breaking fast. After a visit to an air fair, a friend and I wound up at KFC thinking it a good place to break fast. At the air fair, we didn’t buy tickets, but succumbed to a lot of heart burns and palpitations. Why you might ask?? If a person had to pay double the air fair he used to within a span of a year, even a heart attack is possible. I tell you, the prices were simply ridiculous and I thought it was caused by my hearing. Then after looking into a few other places it became fact. Damn those Middle Eastern oil barons!!! I have a bone pick with OPEC, and it aint going be pretty.

There were about 3 queues in all with people snaking back until about 12 feet or more. The call to break fast had ended, but we were still standing. We were served drinks from the counter out of courtesy. Then something I never expected happened. A veiled lady who was standing in the line next to me started handing people dates. At first I thought she would only give to the ones closest to her. After she finished giving to those people in her line, she came over to ours. This lady was veiled from head to foot, and I could only see her eyes. As I took a date from her box, even though she didn’t say anything, I felt the warmth of her kindness. All I could say was “Thank you, sister. Thank you, very much.” I was touched by her small gesture, which warmed my heart. I am sure that Allah will reward her immensely for her goodness in the hereafter. Later, I saw her with two children, and by the looks of it they were her own. I smiled looking at the children knowing that they have a very kind and noble hearted mother. To my veiled sister, wherever you are, may you live happily with the grace of God in the days, months and years to come.

While returning, I noticed another sister from my university disembarking from the LRT minus her scarf. I have seen it all too many times, but this time it just made me angry. I think it’s because of my previous encounter at KFC. I am not the one to judge people, but some need to take stock of their priorities. Many times I have wondered why all the things we are learning are turning into a farce?? Religion is becoming an accessory and being abused and manipulated in so many ways. I have a lot to say about this, but why waste my breath. I think its better for those concerned to realise their own folly and rectify them.

Staring at the wall....

Ever since I started university one thing kept me going despite all odds. It was a piece of paper with words on it stuck to my notice board. The words eased my pain when I felt lonely; soothed my soul at times of grief; brought a smile at joyous moments. All in all, reading those words made me feel better even for a second, and accept things as they are. I'm not saying that others have it easy, but how a situation impacts one person is not replicated in the exact way to another.

Looking back now, after more than 3 years, I have managed to stick it out on my own. While I reminisce about the times gone by, many of them were challenges. The good times were a handful, but how I cherish them and hold it all close to my heart. Being mentally strong and able to absorb all that came your way is not a piece of cake. Many are the instances in which I felt like giving up and throwing in the towel, but I persevered. I told myself that I would somehow make it on my own, stand on my own feet, be independent. The concept of independence is very vague and obscure, believe me I have experienced my fair share of it. In reality, no one is independent. The only One really independent is God.

Inspiration can be derived from a vast space of knowledge, which is not constricted by time. It reaches on to infinity, seemingly endless and uncountable. I draw energy from the words of this woman. A woman after my own heart who says it straight without beating behind the bush.

Solitude by Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;

Weep, and you weep alone.

For the sad old earth must borrow its mirth,

But has trouble enough of its own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;

Sigh, it is lost on the air.

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,

But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;

Grieve, and they turn and go.

They want full measure of your pleasure,

But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;

Be sad, and you lose them all.

There are none to decline your nectared wine,

But alone you must drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;

Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,

But no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure

For a long and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on

Through the narrow aisles of pain.

Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus

The title speaks of an adage old saying of how different both men and women are by nature. It says that both sexes mean contrastingly different things even when using the same word; absorbing and interpreting external stimuli; the manner of perceiving a specific situation etc. Bottom line is that men and women are worlds apart. I happened to learn it the hard way in recent times. But is there no common ground or matters of mutual understanding?? Will there be no solution to this question that keeps on baffling both sexes?? Frankly, I think it is more of a challenge on men when it comes to comprehending women. Women just go on leading their normal lives without much worry, or so I am told.

One myth being perpetuated is that men are insensitive. They never show their true feelings most of the time, and keep them under lock and key from others. In order to put the record straight, men are not comfortable sharing sentimental moments with everybody. The closer the person, more comfortable a man feels. Public showing of emotion is not in a man's nature either. I have shared moments with many of my friends dealing with sensitive information. These are mostly related to relationship issues, and sometimes men do cry. Yes folks, you heard me!!! Men cry, but given that they are so overwhelmed by a particular incident that pushes them over the cliff.

In showing interest both sexes use numerous strategies. I have been exposed to a few, and also implemented some as well. I must admit that the strategies keep on evolving over time, but retain the earlier essence in objective. At times, traffic is only a one way street. Then comes a situation when traffic is flowing on both sides of the bridge. Another type occurs when the signal lights malfunction on one side of the bridge giving mixed feedback. Out of the three the types the final is without doubt the most excruciating. I wonder if there is a real life Mr. Hitch?? How I would jump at the chance of taking a few tutorials from him. I wonder who taught him, hmmm?

Frankly, I accept the difference in genders. Got no problem with it at all, but no one should overdo it. Then it upsets the whole apple cart, and that is just not cool. I am a very sensitive because of my mum and resilient due to my dad's influence. So, its all good in the end. My premise is that understanding each other will help to maintain the balance, and for God sake don't go overboard with stupid mumbo jumbo. That goes to both men and women, since it's all about equity.

The beginning

As the fasting month dawned I wanted to make myself a better person. Its not that I am a hardened criminal, a psycho or sociopath, but the desire to purify my soul felt ever so great. I am not an exemplary Muslim role model by far. Nevertheless, I try to the best of my ability to follow the instructed path given by God. I have to release all the pent up guilt accumulated from the last fast, and ask forgiveness from the Lord. Thus, my quest for redemption is about to begin.

The first day passed by without much effort. It is mostly due to staying indoors and not going about anywhere. Once resuming campus, it is expected to become more arduous. Running around here and there would obviously get a person exhausted. Today, I went to a hawker street to find an array of lovely food. At that same moment I thought why the hawkers in KL didn't sell some of the food I saw here?? Its quite appalling to find the same type of food from stall to another, and not to mention a waste of time. We should create a business module for the hawkers called 'Hawker 101.' They quite badly need a differentiation strategy to stay in business and attract customers.

I will try with all my strength to be a better person this fasting month. While talking to a friend back home I dropped the question "How's fasting going?" The reply I got was quite unorthodox and not to mention amusing from a guys perspective. He quipped "It's okay man. Keeps me away from shagging." This is a perfect example of different views regarding a certain matter. That is all I am saying.